Thursday, March 12, 2009


OK, SO i sent a letter today to Bryan saying that I was done with him. He has messed with my heart so much that I cxannot take it anymore. I just wish that I never had the experience of love with him. My life was sort of ruined in many ways by him and he doesn't even care. My friend messaged him after I gave him the letter and he was fine and was not effected by it at all. He is such a pain in the ass and I feel so free that I am over him! You have no idea how great this feels to finally be free of the person who was holding you down. Seeing them almost everyday kiss another person. I was happy knowing he was happy. I was sacrificing my own happiness for him and it made it all worth it to see him happy. But when he starts to lead me on everytime we hang out it is just not fair. Everytime we hang out then leave, I feel like we are breaking up all over again. It just hurts so much. But I AM FREE!!!! I changed a lot in the last few hours. I changed my attitude about everything and I even look better! I don't look like a little used up girl anymore. Anyhow, today was amazing! I stayed the night over at Marleys last night and we had lots of fun, although we didnt go to bed until three in the morning. Then we woke up and six in the morning because we were going to just party all day long. Well I was up for about an hour when I passed back out for about three hours. Then we just kinda hung out and finger painted for a while. We didn't make a huge mess.WHen we went to my house we went down to the park and had a water war with cholo, steven, terrie, jacob, and alex. It was a lot of fun. I was completely dry because I was the one getting everyong wet. Then Steven dumped so much water on me! I am still wet!...I am leaving tomorrow at 4 in the morning for trek. I wont be on again until monday so I will blog how it went! Love you! bye!

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Just plain bored

I am over at Bryans right now and it is very interesting. He is sitting next to me eating ice cream while I am sitting here typing. I would say some of the things that have happened but they are kind of between him and me it wasn't bad or anything. Just some interesting conversations. I wish he was mine again. I try to hate him and stay away from him, but like before you know that I am in love with him. I can't stay away from him no matter how much he hurts me. I am just so in love with him still. I wish that I could have someone like him again that would take care of me and never leave me. Anyway...My friend Rob is touring this September and they want me to tour with them as their drummer, I am not very good compared to some band drummers, but I can drum. They are also building a 12 bedroom house in three years in Australia and they want me to go with them. That is something big. I wouldn't have to pay for anything and I would have a home for free. But Australia is kind of far and I would never get to see my friends or family. Does anyone have any idea what I should do? I sure don't. But then again it is a long time from now. I still have the rest of school to do. Have a great day! I am off to watch a movie with Bryan. Love you guys!

Saturday, March 7, 2009

What is love?

Have you ever wondered what true love was? I think everyone wants to know at some point in their life. I know I have wanted to know. The one thing I hate about books and movies is that they stick fantasies in your head and you want to believe that they can come true and that you can be a part of something so beautiful. I have loved before, not family love or friend love, but twice I have fallen in love with a man. It wasn't a kind of love where I knew it was it and nothing could be taken away, but it was different from everyone else. The first love of mine was Zach P. A quite suitable man and a gentleman. He was a coybow! He had the perfect suitings of the worlds perfect man, and I had him. He and I were together for a very long time, but something changed. I knew that if he were to be the one that I was to be with forever then nothing about are feelings would have changed like it did. I lost him, out of my grasp he slipped away. I always think in my day now what him and I could have been to this day, but I know deep down, even though I still love him, that it would have never worked out. My second love, Bryan, was very fun. Remember that you can't love the other without having fun. I learned many new things while dating Bryan, I got to discover things I probably never would have discovered about myself and others. My horizons had been opened to learn much more. This is a man I could see myself with in twenty years, however he did not think so. He decided that he was going to be with another young woman, rather than myself. I am on the search right now for a man worthy of my standards that I will not have to lower myself to earn. I will say, it is quite hard being a teenager and finding someone to love. My marurity is above most others so the teen boys my age are just to wild for me, even though I am a little wild myself. I know that I will have to wait a while to find the one I love and will spend the rest of my life with, but with the little taste of love I have recieved, I am willing to wait a lifetime for more.

Jane Austen

Jane Austen to me is one of the most amazing authors. I have yet to read all of her novels. I am in the midst of reading Persuasion, In which the youngest of three girls, Anne, falls in love. Annes family does not thing he is suited for her so their engagement is canceled. Seven years later he has become a very rich man. Anne is still in love with him, however, he is not in love with her anymore.
Anne Hathaway in the move Becoming Jane pulls me in and makes me fall in love with her character. There isn't anything I would want more than to be in the times of Jane Austen and to get to know the real her. I would recomend this movie to everyone. If you are in for a great love story and the life of an author before her fame, then this is a great movie.